Let’s just leave this blank for once

So, I’m back! Back to blogging, that is, because I never really left social media. Not completely.

I stepped away. I hovered, watching, smiling, cheering everyone on with my “likes” and occasional comments. I linked everything together (twitter to facebook and facebook to twitter) so it seemed like I was there. Present. Doing things. Being a part of the crowd.

Even an actual post once in a while. Something other than a meme to make it seem like I was there.

But I’ve felt like a drifter.

There have been hundreds of different things I’ve wanted to say, but I didn’t. Hundreds of things I wanted to tell you. But would you like it? Would you care? Could I put those words in just the perfect way to make you like me more?

I almost didn’t start this blog post today. Look at that title up there… It almost made me postpone this for another week…or two.

I couldn’t come up with an absolutely fantabulous look-at-all-the-shares-and-see-we’re-on-the-top-of-google title as I stared at my screen for a half an hour. So I almost stepped away.

But I’m back, because I miss this.

Even though it almost killed me the first time.

AuntEmmie.jpg

See that face?

That’s the face of depression.

Not exactly what we’ve been told to look for, though I think people are becoming more aware than they’ve ever been before.

There are no dark clothes. No heavy eyeliner. No brooding looks.

You know, the things we think go hand-in-hand with depression.

Instead, there are smiles and lots of exclamation marks and emoticons. Because if I pretend, you won’t know. And you’ll like me more.

If I create a persona to shield myself from you, the outside world, I can go on.

But when that persona becomes a prison, it starts to eat you alive.

It ate me alive.

So I drifted.

And now I’m back.

No more perfection. No more pretending to be happy when I’m not. If I’m happy, you’ll know it’s true. If I’m not, I’ll drift for a little while, but I’ll come back. Sooner this time, because now you know.

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5 thoughts on “Let’s just leave this blank for once

  1. Hey!

    I know what you mean. Although I’m not diagnosed with depression, I suffer from anxiety, which made last year a nightmare for me to get through. So I’ve also been drifting.

    Now I’m back, but I’ve changed priorities, so I’m not as constant in my posting and all that. But you know what? It’s better, because I’m worrying much less about what’s going on in my social media.

    Welcome back.

    Like

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