So, I’m back! Back to blogging, that is, because I never really left social media. Not completely.
I stepped away. I hovered, watching, smiling, cheering everyone on with my “likes” and occasional comments. I linked everything together (twitter to facebook and facebook to twitter) so it seemed like I was there. Present. Doing things. Being a part of the crowd.
Even an actual post once in a while. Something other than a meme to make it seem like I was there.
But I’ve felt like a drifter.
There have been hundreds of different things I’ve wanted to say, but I didn’t. Hundreds of things I wanted to tell you. But would you like it? Would you care? Could I put those words in just the perfect way to make you like me more?
I almost didn’t start this blog post today. Look at that title up there… It almost made me postpone this for another week…or two.
I couldn’t come up with an absolutely fantabulous look-at-all-the-shares-and-see-we’re-on-the-top-of-google title as I stared at my screen for a half an hour. So I almost stepped away.
But I’m back, because I miss this.
Even though it almost killed me the first time.
See that face?
That’s the face of depression.
Not exactly what we’ve been told to look for, though I think people are becoming more aware than they’ve ever been before.
There are no dark clothes. No heavy eyeliner. No brooding looks.
You know, the things we think go hand-in-hand with depression.
Instead, there are smiles and lots of exclamation marks and emoticons. Because if I pretend, you won’t know. And you’ll like me more.
If I create a persona to shield myself from you, the outside world, I can go on.
But when that persona becomes a prison, it starts to eat you alive.
It ate me alive.
So I drifted.
And now I’m back.
No more perfection. No more pretending to be happy when I’m not. If I’m happy, you’ll know it’s true. If I’m not, I’ll drift for a little while, but I’ll come back. Sooner this time, because now you know.